President, The Arlington Memorial Gardens
Every year on the
final Monday of May, just as spring gives way to the ascendancy of summer, our
nation takes a collective breath and pauses to remember. Memorial Day, its roots firmly ensconced in
the post-Civil War impulse to honor those who died on the battlefields, has
evolved into a more all-purpose moment of remembrance. True, its identity remains preeminently imbued
with patriotic notions of honoring those who have died while serving our
nation; but, it cohabitates with Americans flocking to cemeteries everywhere to
decorate graves and remember non-military loved-ones also. In fact, Memorial Day rituals offer an
admirable insight into our basic, but admirable, humanity.
In a still dominant
Judeo-Christian society, we remain deeply faithful and vividly aware of the
ecosystem of life and death; that is, the remarkably precise balance of death
pulling life in much the same way that the moon pulls the tides. Within the context of conceding to both giveth
and taketh, we yearn to remember our dead.
Remembering is part of the grief process. The grieving that follows a death comes not
only from losing someone, but also from the loss of memory. Because, the force of death that snuffs out a
life threatens a second savage blow by snuffing out the memory of that person
as well. That’s why, I suspect, some
people hold onto the pain of a death long after the death itself: it remains
the last vestiges of their connection with the deceased. In this formulation, letting go of the pain
sadly equates to letting go of their memories.
However, perpetuating
memories and celebrating life, not death, is our primary purpose at Arlington. Of course we recognize that cemeteries are
indicative, as well as reminders, of death.
After all, the ancient Greeks referred to the cemetery or “koimeterion” as “a sleeping place.” But the unique primacy of the cemetery in our
society is as a spiritual set-aside, a final resting place that permanently stakes
out a distinctly verifiable spot which metaphorically proclaims “this person
lived and mattered.” Therefore, in sharp
contrast to remembering death, cemetery visitation is actually much more about glorifying
the memories of our loved-ones.
However, the
historically unique role claimed by cemeteries as the final resting place and
the “go to” destination for remembering may be waning due to, among other
factors, the galloping growth of cremation.
While the debate over the actual practice of cremation is a matter of
conscience, preference or faith, the parallels between the rise of cremation
and the decline in final disposition (burial or entombment) are
undeniable. Once the body has been reduced
to a small container of cremated remains, many people feel liberated from
cemetery arrangements and often choose to retain the cremation urn at home or
perhaps scatter the “ashes” themselves at a venue of personal significance – a
park, a golf course, a river or even the ocean, rather than commit them to a
cemetery.
While at first
blush the new sense of freedom made possible by cremation may minimize some
practical concerns - as in final expenses, or lower some logistical hurdles - as
in travel and transportation, but let me suggest that the freedom and convenience
of the moment may one day turn to regret and disillusionment for the deceased’s
survivors. Unfortunately, urns can be and
often are misplaced. And, golf courses
for instance, are notoriously unreliable for their longevity; they often become
housing developments with that picturesque green on the 14th hole becoming
someone’s future basement.
So, before we too hastily
disavow the utility of the cemetery based upon the new found conveniences of
modern society, including but not merely cremation, allow me to urge caution
and deep reflection. The concept of
cremation, as opposed to burial, is personally appealing to me for a number of
reasons. But, I simply can’t divorce
myself from the idea of leaving my name behind on some specific site to lay
claim to the fact that I “was here.”
Call that either insecurity or conceit; but, there’s a reason why
cemeteries are visited by hundreds of thousands of people over Memorial Day
weekend. And, it has nothing at all to do
with self-doubt or arrogance. Rather,
it’s our still vital and admirable impulse to remember. We dare not allow that to be sacrificed to
convenience. Because, once we do, we
will have also sacrificed an important component of our own humanity.
Daniel Applegate became part of The Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
Daniel Applegate became part of The Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
