Committal Shelters Provide Alternative to Graveside Services

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

Safety and liability concerns have prompted some cemeteries to develop alternatives to traditional graveside committal services. In its place cemeteries have built “committal shelters,” permanent structures where families gather for the invocation of “final rights” prior to the burial. Families are then required to wait for the burial to be completed before they are permitted to visit the actual gravesite.

While this alternative is certainly not new or novel, it is far from the norm for the vast majority of cemeteries throughout the country. In fact, despite the rise of final disposition alternatives – most notably cremation, many if not most families are predisposed to the practice of gathering at the graveside for the committal service.

And so, while it may run counter to the public’s expectations, cemeteries can hardly be blamed for considering alternatives given the heightened awareness of safety, risk management and the enormous potential exposure that could result from an unforeseen injury. As has been well documented over and again, even the most safety-conscious organizations are subject to freakish accidents: perhaps it’s that one in a thousand accident that wreaks financial havoc.

Recently, when one of Montana’s veteran’s cemeteries built a committal shelter and attempted to strictly limit the location of committal services to the shelter, there was a public outcry that convinced Montana’s governor, Steve Bullock, to issue a counter-directive permitting graveside services upon request.

Here at Arlington, we have retained the tradition by allowing families to hold committal services at the graveside because we believe that most people are loath to break with tradition. What do you think?  Is holding the committal service at the graveside an important and worthy tradition?

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Memorial Day Message: Zest For Change Takes a Holiday as We Remember

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

Americans have always enjoyed the great good fortune of inhabiting an expansive continent possessing remarkable and abundant natural resources. Unfortunately, over time abundance has borne a deep-seated culture of carelessness that is particularly evident in how we treat our air, land and water.

But the carelessness doesn’t end with our natural resources. We are, in fact, often careless with our traditions, frequently giving in to our collective national zest for change. After all, while this may be the home of the free and the brave, our willingness to welcome change is almost as American as apple pie.

Change tends to replace beliefs, practices and expectations. Although societal change has occurred throughout history, the fundamental belief in innovation is a relatively new phenomenon of just the past few hundred years. And, thanks to today’s highly organized, not to mention obsessive, pursuit of technological innovation and the culture it creates, change is more rapid and welcome in America than at any other previous period of time, a result that means that traditions and values – like technology itself, have a very short shelf life. As a matter of fact, it might be said that in earlier times change replaced traditions; but, today’s hyper-speed pace results in change replacing change.

There’s no question that change is all around us and that it’s a part of our culture. We live with it and we adapt.  And yet we can hold out hope that Americans recognize that some values are sacrosanct. Honoring and remembering those who have given their lives for our country is one such value. Memorial Day is a time set-aside from the all too normal turbulence and churn of everyday living in America. It’s one of those rare opportunities when we come together as a nation in the spirit of remembering.

Here at Arlington, where remembering is our business, we hope we can help to preserve and embellish the impulse to remember and honor those who have paid the ultimate price.We invite you to join us on Sunday, May 25th beginning at 11:00 AM for our "Lunch With a Veteran” picnic, compliments of Arlington, and then at 1:00 PM for our annual Flag Raising Ceremony.  Our ceremony this year features the Wesley Werner American Legion Post #513 and author, speaker and veteran’s activist Dan Perkins. Please plan on attending one or both of these meaningful events.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Lincoln and APRIL 15 Remind Us to Remember

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

April 15 is epical to American’s today because it is known as “tax day,” the deadline to file, and often pay, tax obligations to the federal, state and local governments, respectively.  In fact, it’s taken on the patina of one of the most dreaded days of the year.

But, to earlier generations of Americans, April 15 held significance and was remembered for a more somber reason: it is the date of the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.  In fact, to this day, American calendars still carry the date as a day of special observance – with particular emphasis this year, the 150th anniversary of that dark and long since mythological event in our collective history.

The imaginary and mythical proportions of the Lincoln death, as deeply interesting as they are, need not be discussed here.  Furthermore, what does the assassination of Lincoln have to do with Arlington, or any cemetery for that matter?  It’s a good question.  The answer lies not in the event itself, but instead in the fact that we, homo sapiens, have a profound desire, perhaps even an impulse, to remember and to be remembered.  And, remembering and memorialization is in fact what cemeteries are all about.

There is no denying the fact that there have been shifts in our culture related to funeral rituals.  Funerals are not necessarily funerals; they’ve become “life celebrations.”  Memorial services are often “personalized” events frequently led by “celebrants” rather than priests, ministers or rabbis.  Cremation, merely a blip on the radar 50 years ago, is now widely accepted as the preferred final wish.  There’s no question that things have changed.  But, if so, what has wrought those changes?

We shouldn’t be surprised: time moves on and cultures change and evolve.  But, like so many other societal changes of the past 50 years or so, the “baby boomers” are leading the charge for change.  In the 1960’s, the average age was right around 25.  Those are the people now leaving us but they were among the first generation en masse to expect a college education.  They grew up watching TV (albeit black and white), shrieked at the Beatles, grew long hair, joined cults and smoked pot.  They marched in favor of civil rights and against war but always to the beat of a different drum – and that’s how they’re leaving us:  in their own style and in their own way.  Except, that is, for one facet: like everyone else, they want to be remembered.

Cemeteries, like most other institutions in America, have transitioned away from their traditional past in recent years – responding to the pressures that society has imposed.  These often large green spaces that were once almost always reverentially peaceful and quiet are now full of activities.  For example, Arlington sponsors Easter Egg Hunts, summer concerts, fall festivals, a walking club and other activities and events that bring people to the grounds for numerous reasons other than death.  Yet, at its core, Arlington endures as a place of memories.  The grounds are active with visitors every day – here to do one thing and one thing only: remember.  For those people, the cemetery represents something of an umbilical cord for their memories – a place that nurtures those memories.

As another milestone anniversary date of Lincoln’s assassination passes into history, and as we approach Mother’s Day and the mother of all days of remembrance – Memorial Day, we need to remind ourselves that cemeteries are not some macabre place to avoid, but a place for us to remember and celebrate the lives of those who have borne us, raised us, loved us, taught us and influenced us.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Remembrance: Death Ends a Life. But It Does Not End a Relationship

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

It’s deeply ironic that none of us, as in zero percent, enjoy thinking or talking about death. The irony is that the avoidance denies life’s one sure thing. We deny out of fear; that is, by letting any thoughts seep into our consciousness means that considering the full reality of death isn’t far behind. And so we work hard at averting all of those thoughts. However, the irony doesn’t end there; there’s another component although it’s an extension of the denial of death. It’s the irony of denying the finality of death by being remembered.

The impulse for living vicariously via memory certainly isn’t a new concept. For proof, one needs look no further than the Great Pyramids of Egypt where the Pharaohs of ancient times hoped that the monolithic monuments would convey an eternal earthly presence. Or, for proof with a more familiar flavor, simply visit your local traditional cemetery where those who possessed the financial means erected large granite monuments to invoke, hopefully good, memories for those left behind.

Remembrance Service at Arlington Memorial Gardens.

But the instinct to be remembered after death is matched with another equally strong and compelling human compulsion: to remember those who have preceded us in death. This instinct is clearly the less arrogant of the two and speaks volumes for the goodness that is in all of us. We are, after all, products of one kind or another of those who give birth to us, raise us, guide us, nurture and love us. We largely become who we are, for good or for ill, through those we know and befriend, through those we admire and through those we love and sometimes wed. And because we are human we form bonds, deep emotional attachments that we know as love.

Losing someone we love has a jarring impact on our lives. It presents a moment of personal crisis that is unlike any other we experience. It’s the grotesque end, not just of a life, but a way of life. It’s over and out; done and finished. Things are never the same.

And yet, life does go on even as we struggle and lurch forward. In the 1970 movie I Never Sang for My Father, there was a line that perhaps epitomizes the aftermath of a death. It is: “Death ends a life. But it does not end a relationship; which struggles on in the survivor's mind, toward some resolution, which it may never find.”

After losing someone we love, we search for ways to maintain that relationship. It sometimes seems impossible but we learn, over time, to hold them securely and dearly in our memories. Most of the time, that’s a personal experience, left to the quiet inner workings of our minds. But every once in a while we’re given the opportunity to express our love in a more pronounced and public forum.

Arlington’s Christmas Remembrance Service on Sunday, December 21st at 1:30 PM in our Lakeside Chapel is one such opportunity. It’s a beautiful service where we collectively remember those we have lost; and in memory, light a candle – a sign that a life has been lived. We invite you to join us at this service.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Death Cafe Focuses on What's Important in Life

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

There’s a certain cognitive dissonance that surrounds the human relationship to death. Death is the specter that haunts us – because we know all too well how our collective stories end. Yet, even though we know, we are masters of denial.

When we’re confronted with death head-on, when a loved-one dies for instance, we look at death for a moment but we then we look away. We don’t dare look for too long because the full reality is right there to scare the bejibbers out of us, a fear that deeply challenges a flawed human trait: the arrogance that we’re in control. Coming to terms with the mystery of death and its associated fears, or maybe perhaps just providing the venue to discuss this life consuming puzzle, is the goal of the CincinnatiDeath Café.

Held in the welcoming confines of the Arlington Community Room, the CincinnatiDeath Café is not what comes to mind when thinking about a café – although coffee, tea and cookies are mixed in with the conversation. Instead, the Death Café is an occurrence where opinions on death can be expressed in a judgment free zone, where various views, feelings, beliefs and attitudes can be drug out of the closet and examined in the full light of day.

A benefit of the Death Café is perhaps best explained by Death Café Founder Jon Underwood. According to Underwood, “When we acknowledge that we’re going to die, it falls back on ourselves to ask the question, ‘Well, in this limited time that I’ve got, what’s important for me to do.’”

The Cincinnati Death Café is facilitated by Cindy Maril and Pete Tunnat. Tunnat suggests that the term “facilitator” is a very relative term when describing the Death Café. He says that, “We are only there to get the conversation initiated – after that our role is very limited because the conversation is almost always robust.”

The next Death Café is on Monday, December 15^th at 7 PM and lasts for roughly an hour and a half.  If you’re interested in more information, please call the Arlington Administrative Center at (513) 521-7003.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Recovering from the Loss of a Loved One? Here We Are

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

The funeral is over. You have left the cemetery following the committal service. Perhaps you had a family gathering after the funeral, but now you’re home. Eventually, whether it’s today, tomorrow or several days from now, your support system, those relatives and/or friends who love and care about you, will take their leave, departing to return to the hustle and bustle of their own lives. And it’s at this time, this precise moment, that reality will set in -- the crushing, empty finality of your loss.

You try to deal with it because you loath the very notion that you could ever become a burden to anyone, especially to those you love; but you’re suddenly feeling strangely disconnected from your former life, you know, the one that ended abruptly just days earlier. So, you choose the “I’ll do this on my own” road to travel. 

You awake in the morning after having experienced a fitful night of sleep – if you slept at all. You prepare breakfast for yourself and begin your forlorn day of going through the motions, doing those things you feel compelled to do but which seem to suck energy from your very soul. Wash and repeat – this is your new life; this is who you are. Despondency sets in. The nights grow longer and even more fitful than before. The days are more challenging. The depression deepens and it feels as though there is little hope of ever feeling better.

Unfortunately, many survivors feel this way after the death of a loved-one.  It’s just part of the crummy hand that you’re dealt when someone close to you dies. In most cases, survivors suffer grief and anxiety to one degree or another. In some cases, the grief is so overwhelming that it can be a form of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). And actually, there’s very little that anyone can do or say to purge those feelings of loss.  Because losing someone you care about is a sad and gut-wrenching experience.  It’s a condition of our species. Homo sapiens.

While in these circumstances grief may be our captor, fortunately for us, we need not remain its long term prisoners. There is a way out. Well, “out” may be a misnomer; really, there is a path “through” the grief, a path that leads to an ultimately healthy recovery. And that path is not for solo trekkers. It’s one where survivors band together, walk together and draw strength from each other. That path is called grief support.

Our grief support program is here for you, designed to help you begin to see over the horizon and understand that there are possibilities of living a full life again - even in the aftermath of a death. It’s not a replacement for your loss nor is it a panacea. But it can be a kick-start to your healthyrecovery -- if you’re willing to make the effort and commitment to attend and to participate.

One of our Core Values at Arlington Memorial Gardens is to “Make a Difference that Matters.” Providing a grief support program that leads survivors to a healthy recovery does just that.  If you have suffered a loss and are finding life burdensome, I invite you to attend our grief support program. 

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Michael Schlitz: Meet a Thrivor…and More

Michael Schlitz and Daniel Applegate

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

For those of you following our postings on Facebook and on our website prior to Memorial Day, you’ll know that Michael Schlitz was the featured speaker at our Flag Raising Ceremony on May 25, 2014. We were pleased to bring Michael to Cincinnati based on his service to the nation as an Army veteran, but also because he has become a powerful voice of support and goodwill for U.S veterans, particularly for those suffering from injuries sustained as a result of service during the War on Terror in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He is a reminder that freedom is indeed not free – that many Americans do, in fact, make enormous sacrifices in service to their country.

In his travels, Michael is frequently accompanied by his Mother, a woman who, by all accounts, provides her son with a strong, stable and dependable support system. However, during this trip to Cincinnati, a scheduling conflict resulted in Michael traveling alone.  Since he is unable to drive due to the loss of vision, I had the honor of accompanying Michael to an interview with a local TV media outlet.  I was grateful for the opportunity to become better acquainted with him.

As we talked, my mind turned to a popular book some years ago called Who Moved My Cheese.  It’s a parable written by Dr. Spencer Johnson of The One Minute Manager fame.  Who Moved My Cheese is about change and adapting to new realities. While Michael described some of his daily hurdles, it occurred to me that he was the poster child for decisive adaptability. 

For instance, Michael, who lost both hands due to an IED explosion in southern Baghdad in 2007, must plan to recharge the batteries that power his prosthetic arms within 12 hours or risk them becoming totally immobilized, a somewhat harrowing proposition particularly when he is travelling.  And, he further described just how easily he can become overheated as a chain-reaction result produced by his inability to perspire due to the burns he sustained.  These revelations were expressed bluntly, matter-of-factly. They were not complaints intended to provoke sympathy; to the contrary, Michael was merely providing a day in his life.

We all confront challenges in life.  Some of us become victims and some of us become survivors. Michael Schlitz is neither. Instead, he has risen to new heights despite his limitations and challenges and has become the embodiment of a thrivor – one who excels.

Becoming a thrivor is operating in rarified air. And yet, there is another term that might apply to Michael even though it is sometimes misused. One of Michael’s retired Army comrades who attended the Flag Raising Ceremony, who in fact was once Michael’s ranking officer, commented to me that Michael suffering injuries in Iraq did not make him a hero.  But, he explained, in light of the severity of the injuries, his ability to adapt and for his tireless work on behalf of veterans, Michael has become “damned heroic.”

I can’t say it any better than that.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.