Memorial Day Embodies the Meaning of Patriotism

By: Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

In a radically divisive age, when the country is often at odds with itself and its people frequently find themselves aghast at what comes from Washington and passes as governance; and, fragmented by what comes from the airwaves and passes as news, there is only the rare occasional moment when Americans come together to demonstrate a true sense of national cohesiveness.

On the Fourth of July, the country is distinctly united in celebrating the dual blessing of independence and democracy.  To a lesser degree, the nation’s patriotic fever momentarily spikes on November 11th in observing Veterans Day.  As a child growing up in the 1950s and 1960s, I can vividly recall the perceptible fervor that was so deeply imbued in the annual patriotic observance of Pearl Harbor Day. And of course, the events of September 11th stirred the passions of patriotism like no other single event in my lifetime. Yet, year in and year out, many Americans reserve their most lusty patriotic embrace for Memorial Day.

Why so? After all, Memorial Day is a profoundly solemn day of reflection, a stark contrast to the much more ebullient celebrations that have become synonymous with Independence Day. Oh, how we Americans love those picnics, parties, fireworks and good times!  But then, that’s precisely the point: patriotism isn’t really about parties and fun, is it? In fact, even though we’re often guilty of reducing it to simple, and simplistic, aphorisms like “America: Love it or Leave it,” patriotism is a much more complicated than that.

These complexities have been acknowledged by adherents all across the political spectrum. For example, Ron Paul has said, “True patriotism has been more closely linked to dissent than it is to conformity and a blind desire for safety and security.” And, George McGovern, a stalwart from the opposite side of the aisle said much the same thing: “The highest patriotism is not a blind acceptance of official policy, but a love of one’s country deep enough to call her to a higher standard.” So, aside from the simple, and often simple-minded, adages that merely serve as thought pollution, defining patriotism usually is profoundly more complex than it appears on the surface.

But sometimes it’s not. Memorial Day recognizes the purest form of patriotism. It’s an uncontested moment in time, a day on our calendar that beckons us to remember and to pay homage to those who have sacrificed their life in the service of their country, a calling that is the embodiment of the ultimate fulfillment of patriotic duty.

With its lineage dating back to the Civil War, Memorial Day is much more than merely one-third of a three day weekend. It’s this nation’s better nature at work; and, a collective post-it note. It’s also a reverential gift to those who, by giving their lives, have earned their country’s eternal admiration. As millions of Americans trek to cemeteries all across the country, in every village, town and city, we do so because we are a grateful people and because, as Lincoln said speaking at the dedication of the cemetery at Gettysburg, “It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.”

Arlington Memorial Gardens hosts a series of events annually to commemorate Memorial Day and honor the veterans who so proudly serve our country. See our Memorial Day schedule.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Cincinnati Death Cafe Encourages Discussion of Death -- and Life

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

Talking about death often is considered taboo or morbid. But there is a growing worldwide movement to change that attitude about death, and Arlington Memorial Gardens is proud to help build an open dialogue in Greater Cincinnati  through our sponsorship of the Cincinnati Death Café.

You can discuss death -- the "elephant in the room" -- at free monthly meetings of the the Cincinnati death Cafe at the Arlington Memorial Gardens community room

What is the Cincinnati Death Cafe? It’s an informal place where people can come together in a relaxed and safe setting to discuss death over coffee, tea and snacks. The objective of the Cincinnati Death Café is "To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives." We believe that death is the "elephant in the room" which serves as the concept behind our logo. It’s a subject we would like to avoid, but something all of have to face as a natural part of life.

The Cincinnati Death Café has been meeting monthly since October in the Arlington Community Room – and participants have had some lively discussions about their views on death. It can be a comfort to be able to share your concerns, your fears, and your feelings about something that's so much a part of all of our lives.

The global Death Café movement was founded by Jon Underwood of England, and brought to the United States by Lizzy Miles, a social worker in Columbus, Ohio. There are two facilitators from our team of Family Advisors: Pete Tunnat and Cindy Maril, who have met extensively with Ms. Miles prior to the first meeting of the Cincinnati Death Café. And Ms. Maril has traveled to London to meet and consult with Mr. Underwood.

The Cincinnati Death Café is a group directed discussion of death with no agenda, objectives or themes. It is a discussion group rather than a grief support or counselling session. There is no intention of leading people to any conclusion, product or course of action.

Unless you've experienced a recent loss of a loved one, death is probably not something you care to discuss. It's hard to fault that avoidance because, let's face it, nobody wants to think and talk about their own mortality. At Arlington Memorial Gardens, we encourage family members to have “The Dialogue,” the active discussion of advance planning for your funeral and cemetery needs, and the Cincinnati Death Café helps further that discussion in the community.

A Discussion about Death -- and Life

But the Cincinnati Death Café is about life as much as it is about death. When you address the “elephant in the room,” you can learn to make the most of tour life. Many people who attend the Cincinnati Death Café meetings are just trying to figure out what life should be all about. Talking about death can be helpful and enrich your life because it helps you focus on what you value in life.

If you want to have a unique and rewarding experience, please attend a free monthly meeting of the Cincinnati Death Café. You can learn more by calling 513-521-7003 and visiting the Cincinnati Death Café page to see the upcoming schedule.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Assurance, Not Insurance, Helps You Pre-Plan a Funeral

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

When we’re on the very uncomfortable mental terrain of considering our own mortality, it becomes comforting to fool ourselves while engaging in some mythical thinking.  For instance, many of us avoid thinking about pre-planning and participating in “The Dialogue” by telling ourselves, “Hey, I’ve got lots of life insurance, that's all I need to do."

While owning an insurance policy is certainly wise, thinking that it's all you need to do unwisely misses the point.  Obviously, the financial assistance provided to the beneficiary is a boost, but it doesn’t assure your family that they are planning a funeral that reflects your wishes. 

An insurance policy doesn’t assure your loved ones that the selections they have been forced to make comply with your preference in terms of mausoleum entombment rather than earth burial, or vice versa.  Insurance doesn’t assure your family members that they’re selecting the types of merchandise that you’d prefer or the expenses you'd approve. 


Pre-Planning: Assurance for Your Family Members

And an insurance policy most certainly doesn’t eliminate the torturous guesswork that your family would engage in at the time of your death. Only pre-planning does that; insurance does not. So, while insurance is unquestionably wise – and insuring -- it’s pre-planning that is assuring.

At Arlington Memorial Gardens, we take a great deal of pride in helping others in planning, choosing and making decisions that are right for you and your family.  In selecting Arlington Memorial Gardens, you will receive attentive, comprehensive and professional care from our Advisors whether you are planning in advance for your own arrangements or making arrangements for a loved one. 

Our goal is to get to know you, to build a relationship with you so that we can provide you with the appropriate information that will enable you to make sound decisions. But before we can do that, you must first make a conscious choice to engage yourself, and those around you, in what we call "The Dialogue," the active discussion of planning for your cemetery needs.

There is nothing extraordinary about The Dialogue, except that many people avoid it like the plague. It's hard to fault that avoidance because, let's face it, nobody wants to think and talk about their own death. 

Make Decisions for Yourself

Yet, there are several compelling reasons why you should pre-plan, and, the list includes both emotional and financial considerations.  But, perhaps the most compelling reason of all is this: if we don't participate in The Dialogue ourselves, others will be forced to have it at the time of our death, making important, and incredibly personal, decisions that we should have made ourselves. 

We strongly encourage you to begin thinking about, and engaging in, The Dialogue, between you and your loved-ones.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Family Holidays a Perfect Time for “The Dialogue”

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

The holiday season is one of those great times when families set aside the time to travel to be together.  It is, as we know, "the most wonderful time of the year."

Holidays are the perfect time for "The Dialogue" -- and this setting at Arlington Lake is the perfect place for holiday photos.

And while we certainly wouldn't want to extinguish the flame of the warm and fuzzy feelings of being together, the holiday family get together is often favorable to have what we at Arlington Memorial Gardens refer to as "The Dialogue."  Having "The Dialogue" is all about engaging in that very difficult conversation that would enable you to confidently manage a crisis situation, an illness or a death, for instance, when typically a profound sense of disorientation sets in.

There is nothing extraordinary about The Dialogue, except that many people avoid it like the plague. It's hard to fault that avoidance because, let's face it, nobody wants to think and talk about their own death.  Yet, there are several compelling reasons why we should -- and, the list includes both emotional and financial considerations. 

Having The Dialogue Is Love in Action

But perhaps the most compelling reason of all is this: if we don't participate in The Dialogue ourselves, others will be forced to have it at the time of our death, making important, and incredibly personal, decisions that we should have made ourselves. We strongly encourage you to begin thinking about, and engaging in, The Dialogue, between you and your loved-ones, something like this dialogue.

The Dialogue should include a variety of topics and is the best way to begin pre-need planning to make decisions about what will happen after death.  Here are some reasons why you should begin having The Dialogue with those you love:
• You plan how you and your life will be remembered.
• You get the best value for your money.
• You mitigate the trauma of your loved ones making important decisions while they are mourning.
• You exercise control over what happens.
• You spare your loved ones the possibility of disagreeing over what to do.
• You’ve mapped out a plan from which your loved ones can make decisions based on your wishes and not their guesses.
• You have time to make smart consumer choices purchasing only those services or items you want.
• You avoid burdening friends or distant relatives with the responsibility if you have no immediate family.

The Family Advisors at Arlington Memorial Gardens can assist in arranging the most customary and traditional services or provide guidance in helping you plan a service emphasizing distinctively personal touches, such as favorite music and songs and digitized photography and/or videos.
If you are prepared to pursue your planning or in acquiring additional information, please contact Arlington Memorial Gardens and request specific information that would be helpful to you in making your planning decisions.

Of course, we encourage you to contact our office and speak with one of our Arlington Memorial Gardens Family Advisors who will be pleased to work with you in providing information regarding your cemetery needs, and believe it or not, there are a plethora of issues that you should consider.

The holidays are a time for sharing joy with your family, and planning for your cemetery and funeral arrangements is love in action – for you and your family. Ask yourself this question: "Will I find comfort in knowing that I’ve reduced much of the emotional and financial burden from my family by planning in advance?”

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

50 Years After JFK Assassination: What Did We Learn?

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

What did we learn from the tragic events that took place in Dallas 50 years ago?

First, consider this. This is obviously an historic observance. However, it’s not the first of its kind.  Fifty years after perhaps the most similarly chilling event – the Lincoln assassination -- how did Americans react on April 15, 1915?

Yet, if you were around in November, 1963 and over the age of five or six, it’s most likely one of your most vivid memories. If you were younger, you may not have had the capacity to make much sense of what had transpired in Dallas, but you would have certainly realized that it was an unusual moment.

What we learned from the Kennedy assassination is a complex subject, certainly much too complex to unwind here. But there are some general observations to offer.

It might have signaled the end of innocence for America: within just a couple of years, we were entangled in the Vietnam War, a cultural experience that still resonates with many Americans as the embodiment of the 1960s and 1970s. Dallas may have also unleashed a sense of cynicism crowding out, perhaps, America’s lusty embrace of optimism.  It certainly seems likely that it helped usher in a brand of politics with not just sharp elbows, but politicians armed with irreconcilably sharp knives.

Furthermore, because in 1963 we most likely suffered from a collectively strong case of the great man theory, Dallas may have resulted in our willingness to believe in conspiracy theories.  Was it possible that such a “little man” could have really pulled this off?  It seemed so decisively improbable that it raised the specter of the “grassy knoll” which has morphed over time into the palpable willingness to believe in all types of latter day conspiracies, many that can only be termed as vivid fantasies.

Nevertheless, there are some practical, less historically imbued lessons from which we can learn coming out of the events of Dallas on the weekend of November 22, 1963, that hold little historical significance, but are still momentous.  For instance, we learned that, all of us are human and with blinding speed and within the blink of an eye, our lives can become profoundly disoriented.  It certainly reinforces one of our areas of emphasis here at Arlington Memorial Gardens: taking part in "The Dialogue" and planning for our inevitable ending helps to offset many of the effects of disorientation for those we love and leave behind.

Also, President Kennedy’s very grand, but elaborately dignified, funeral service, orchestrated by Mrs. Kennedy, was a powerful expression of remembrance. That, together with memorialization, symbolized by the Eternal Flame at Arlington National Cemetery, demonstrates the very real meaningfulness of the human impulse to remember and be remembered.

So, while we observe the 50th anniversary of the events in Dallas on the weekend of November 22, 1963, we may become mindful of our own mortality. If so, consider engaging in "The Dialogue" for yourself. While it may not hold historical significance, it’s certainly important, even critically important, for you and those you love.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Halloween and Fall Games Still Tops with Young Kids

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

Anybody who thought today’s kids were only interested in video games would have been in for a big surprise at the first annual Kids Fall Festival held at Arlington Memorial Gardens on Saturday, October 5.

Bobbing for apples was a delight at the first annual Arlington Kids Fall Festival.

Despite torrential rain just prior to the 2:00 PM start time, more than 50 children ages 3 through 8 congregated on the South Lawn of Arlington Lake and were, quite literally, off and running. The Arlington Kids Fall Festival featured games that were a throwback to our childhood – and it was gratifying to see today’s kids just as engaged in the games as we were when we were their age.

Smiling faces and squeals and screeches of joy filled the Arlington Memorial Gardens grounds as our young visitors moved from sack races to the old-fashioned bobbing for apples game. And then proceeded to a pumpkin ring toss and then decorated those pumpkins. 

The Arlington Kids Fall Festival presented strong evidence that kids are still kids, regardless of the digital attractions that surround them today.  And, according to John Wright, Arlington Memorial Gardens Coordinator of Special Events, it was hard to tell who was enjoying themselves more -- the kids or their parents. 

The comments we heard from parents were as rewarding as the smiles on their children’s faces. One mother said, "This reminds me so much of when I was a kid" while another offered, "This event is just perfect."

Many of us lament the effects of the digital age and how ever growing digital distractions are influencing today's youth, but the first annual Arlington Memorial Gardens Kids Fall Festival made it abundantly apparent that the activities of a much earlier era still retain their timeless appeal.

As part of our commitment to the community, Arlington Memorial Gardens proudly hosts many events during the course of the year including Remembrance Services, Summer Concerts, Easter Egg Hunt, Easter Sunrise Service, and Bereavement Series – and we are proud to make the Arlington Kids Fall Festival a regular event here, as well.

If you have thoughts on any other events, you’d like to see us host in the future, please contact Arlington Memorial Gardens.

Please click here to see photos from the First Annual Kids Fall Festival at Arlington Memorial Gardens.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.

Bereavement,Support Program Helps You Recover from Grief: Arlington Memorial Gardens

by Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

When you lose someone close to you, you may feel like the pain and sadness you're experiencing will never end -- and that's actually a normal reactions to your loss. But while there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain that, in time, can renew you and help you move on.

Obviously, following the loss of a loved-one, many survivors experience a deep sense of grief that often can become debilitating. To help families through this difficult period of adjustment and ultimate recovery, Arlington Memorial Gardens sponsors and hosts a bereavement program utilizing the skills of two Cincinnati-based therapists, Dr. Barbara Steffens, PhD. and Dr. Sheryl Cohen, PhD.

The bereavement program at Arlington Memorial Gardens includes a series of four one-hour sessions that complement and build upon each other.  The format is a small group setting and functions somewhat similar to a support group.  Each group ranges in number from four to eight participants and meets in the comfort and privacy of our Community Room. 

During the course of the bereavement program series, the therapist takes the participants through the stages of grief and facilitates discussions centering around common difficulties that may be encountered. Of course, like so many other emotional events in life, the grief must first be acknowledged and confronted.  Through instruction, discussion and interaction, the participants gain an appreciation and understanding of expectations, pitfalls, well-being, and self-care.

From its inception, Arlington Memorial Gardens has received consistent feedback that our program has been instrumental in helping survivors deal with the impact of grief.  However, a recent card we received perhaps best expresses the intention of the program:

"Thanks so much for offering the Bereavement Program at Arlington Memorial Gardens.  I look forward to attending each session.  It has been a great support for me in my time of grief."

Arlington Memorial Gardens provides this program as a community service and underwrites the entire cost with the exception of an initial $5.00 registration fee. Those who are interested in participating, whether experiencing difficulties or merely in need a boost, may contact Joanne Martin at (513) 521-7003 or by e-mailing her at our Administrative Center at joanne@amgardens.org or click here.

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.