By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens
This past Saturday afternoon, with three seconds left in the game, Michigan State’s field goal kicker, a stiff wind at his back, calmly booted the ball cleanly through the uprights giving the Spartans an unlikely upset win over the Ohio State Buckeyes. I was there at the Horseshoe. I sat through the cold and the rain and witnessed the futility. The football Buckeyes win with astounding regularity and as any loyal Buckeye fan will tell you, losing hurts. It’s even more painful given that this year’s uber-talented team was predicted for greatness, not to mention a second consecutive national championship. As the last second ticked from the clock, those hopes and dreams all but evaporated.
Driving home on I-71, my son-in-law and I discussed the game, lamented the loss and talked about how things might have been different. We were both disappointed and frustrated but when I tuned into a Columbus post-game radio show, I was appalled to hear the hosts, two nincompoops, who were quite literally screeching, pointing fingers, demanding accountability for the loss and all but calling for the guillotine for at least one OSU assistant coach.
It struck me just how kooky those radio jocks sounded because I take a back seat to nobody as an Ohio State fan. I’m from central-Ohio and while I don’t live and die for the Buckeyes, my scarlet blood more than likely contains more than just a hint of gray. I’ve been known to have taken some Buckeye losses pretty hard: the Michigan State game of 1998 and the 2006 national championship loss to Florida both come to mind as vivid examples. Yet, I’ve never really been one of those fans who comes completely unhinged over the result of a game because…well, they’re just games – not life or death tragedies.
You want a tragedy? See Paris, where that single act of terrorism impacted, indeed, transformed the lives of all of the families and friends of those murdered and injured – not to mention the collateral damage to the psyche of a nation. Now that’s a tragedy.
On a more personal level, we see families every day here at Arlington confronting the loss of, and saying final goodbyes to, someone they love dearly. These are life-altering events: some send shock waves through a country, indeed, around the world; others shatter families. But the one commonality is that they are truly tragedies on one scale or another.
While the bookies of the world may have a different take, a loss on a Saturday afternoon might be disappointing, but it’s certainly not a tragedy.
Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization
in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including
serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state
cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George
Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution
Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The
Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political
Science.
Wednesday, November 25, 2015
Monday, November 16, 2015
We Are All Parisians
By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens
Lest we doubted it, evil does exist. Acting out of a deep-seated hatred that is far beyond comprehension for most of us, terrorists coordinated and carried out a brutal attack this past Friday evening in Paris killing over 120 and injuring well over 300. Many of those injured are critical and the death toll will likely rise. The City of Light roils in the darkness that is known as fear, confusion and pain.
Setting aside all of the political implications, there are lessons in the aftermath of this hideous event. It forces us to make a choice between looking or looking away. The more comfortable choice is for us to take note, lament, but then look away. After all, while it’s a tragedy, it’s a European tragedy - we weren’t directly affected. However, while that might be an altogether understandable reaction, it would actually only blur reality, a reality that calls upon us to focus on our own vulnerabilities, our own mortality and the utter wickedness of this attack.
So, instead of looking away, we need to look and look hard. We need to confront the brutal truth that life is unpredictable and frequently teeters back and forth between the polar opposites of comfort and pain. Whether you’re a believer that the future is dependent on mere fate or the design of the Almighty, the truth is that the next moment, or the moments after that are decisively uncertain. What began in Paris for so many as a leisurely evening of comfort instantly and diabolically flipped to pain.
The pain of Paris is in fact the pain of humanity. As our oldest ally, a residual of mutual respect and affection exists between America and France even if our differences sometimes get in the way. At this troubling moment, Americans need to rally in support of the French people - to share in their pain; to mourn for their dead; and to pray for their injured.
And, to unequivocally declare that…We Are All Parisians.
Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens
Lest we doubted it, evil does exist. Acting out of a deep-seated hatred that is far beyond comprehension for most of us, terrorists coordinated and carried out a brutal attack this past Friday evening in Paris killing over 120 and injuring well over 300. Many of those injured are critical and the death toll will likely rise. The City of Light roils in the darkness that is known as fear, confusion and pain.
Setting aside all of the political implications, there are lessons in the aftermath of this hideous event. It forces us to make a choice between looking or looking away. The more comfortable choice is for us to take note, lament, but then look away. After all, while it’s a tragedy, it’s a European tragedy - we weren’t directly affected. However, while that might be an altogether understandable reaction, it would actually only blur reality, a reality that calls upon us to focus on our own vulnerabilities, our own mortality and the utter wickedness of this attack.
The pain of Paris is in fact the pain of humanity. As our oldest ally, a residual of mutual respect and affection exists between America and France even if our differences sometimes get in the way. At this troubling moment, Americans need to rally in support of the French people - to share in their pain; to mourn for their dead; and to pray for their injured.
And, to unequivocally declare that…We Are All Parisians.
Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Helping you “Survive the Holidays”
By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens
Ready or not, here they come. It’s November and Thanksgiving is, as they say, right around the corner. For many of us, the gross and incessant commercialization of the next several weeks will be an irritant and a distinct turn off; but, for those of you who have recently lost a loved one, the celebration of the upcoming trinity of holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, might be a dreadful thought for an altogether different reason.
The holidays are deeply embedded with joy as a central theme but it is extremely difficult to feel joyful when you are confronted by absence. The absence of a loved-one, that terrible feeling of loss and vacancy can be most poignant during the holidays, serving to frame them not with joy but with a sense of negativity, sadness and perhaps even bitterness. And, therefore, as the days of the season inevitably transition into weeks, survival is a deeply troubling personal challenge. I once heard a husband of a recently deceased spouse comment that he would have liked to have fallen asleep a few days before Thanksgiving and then reawaken on January 2nd when the hoopla had ended. Of course, if we lived in a mythical world that might be the ideal fast forward fix. Unfortunately, as we all know, that is merely a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality.
In the real world, we have to find other, more proactive ways to survive the holidays. That’s not an easy assignment given the fact that so often our overwhelming impulse is to burrow deeply within ourselves perhaps as an effort to deny or escape. When my father passed away, I witnessed first-hand the harsh effects of sorrow. While dealing with my own deep sense of loss, I watched as my mother sunk into a self-imposed isolation that lasted for months. As a product of an earlier era, she felt obligated to deal with her grief by keeping things to herself. All well and good, I suppose, but it was also the perfect prescription for empowering the grief, allowing it to control her.
A healthier approach is to confront the grief by acknowledging it and taking action. Of course, taking action and grief do not automatically go hand-in-hand and in fact are frequently at odds with each other. And so the real challenge to surviving the holidays is understanding just how to take action. Fortunately, we have a program here at Arlington that can help. It’s very cleverly titled “Surviving the Holidays After a Loss.”
Facilitated by Dr. Barbara Steffens, this free 2 hour seminar will focus on helping attendees get through the holiday season by following a few simple, but important techniques that will empower and prepare them for what is to come in the next several weeks. But let me be clear here: this seminar is most assuredly not a panacea for survival. It provides themes – things to think about and do as the holidays approach. You’ll still need to provide the follow-through. Yet, without question though, the first and perhaps the most important step will be attending the seminar. We hope you’ll plan on attending. I promise: you won’t regret being there.
Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens
The holidays are deeply embedded with joy as a central theme but it is extremely difficult to feel joyful when you are confronted by absence. The absence of a loved-one, that terrible feeling of loss and vacancy can be most poignant during the holidays, serving to frame them not with joy but with a sense of negativity, sadness and perhaps even bitterness. And, therefore, as the days of the season inevitably transition into weeks, survival is a deeply troubling personal challenge. I once heard a husband of a recently deceased spouse comment that he would have liked to have fallen asleep a few days before Thanksgiving and then reawaken on January 2nd when the hoopla had ended. Of course, if we lived in a mythical world that might be the ideal fast forward fix. Unfortunately, as we all know, that is merely a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality.
In the real world, we have to find other, more proactive ways to survive the holidays. That’s not an easy assignment given the fact that so often our overwhelming impulse is to burrow deeply within ourselves perhaps as an effort to deny or escape. When my father passed away, I witnessed first-hand the harsh effects of sorrow. While dealing with my own deep sense of loss, I watched as my mother sunk into a self-imposed isolation that lasted for months. As a product of an earlier era, she felt obligated to deal with her grief by keeping things to herself. All well and good, I suppose, but it was also the perfect prescription for empowering the grief, allowing it to control her.
A healthier approach is to confront the grief by acknowledging it and taking action. Of course, taking action and grief do not automatically go hand-in-hand and in fact are frequently at odds with each other. And so the real challenge to surviving the holidays is understanding just how to take action. Fortunately, we have a program here at Arlington that can help. It’s very cleverly titled “Surviving the Holidays After a Loss.”
Facilitated by Dr. Barbara Steffens, this free 2 hour seminar will focus on helping attendees get through the holiday season by following a few simple, but important techniques that will empower and prepare them for what is to come in the next several weeks. But let me be clear here: this seminar is most assuredly not a panacea for survival. It provides themes – things to think about and do as the holidays approach. You’ll still need to provide the follow-through. Yet, without question though, the first and perhaps the most important step will be attending the seminar. We hope you’ll plan on attending. I promise: you won’t regret being there.
SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS AFTER A LOSS
The Arlington Community Room
Saturday, November 14, 10 AM – 12 Noon
Please RSVP to Lisa McClain at 521-7003 or e-mail lisa.m@amgardens.org
(This is a seminar, not group therapy. You will have the opportunity to ask questions and interact but you will not be asked or required to speak or share.)
The Arlington Community Room
Saturday, November 14, 10 AM – 12 Noon
Please RSVP to Lisa McClain at 521-7003 or e-mail lisa.m@amgardens.org
(This is a seminar, not group therapy. You will have the opportunity to ask questions and interact but you will not be asked or required to speak or share.)
Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association. He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)