Helping you “Survive the Holidays”

By Daniel Applegate
President, Arlington Memorial Gardens

Ready or not, here they come. It’s November and Thanksgiving is, as they say, right around the corner. For many of us, the gross and incessant commercialization of the next several weeks will be an irritant and a distinct turn off; but, for those of you who have recently lost a loved one, the celebration of the upcoming trinity of holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s, might be a dreadful thought for an altogether different reason.

The holidays are deeply embedded with joy as a central theme but it is extremely difficult to feel joyful when you are confronted by absence. The absence of a loved-one, that terrible feeling of loss and vacancy can be most poignant during the holidays, serving to frame them not with joy but with a sense of negativity, sadness and perhaps even bitterness. And, therefore, as the days of the season inevitably transition into weeks, survival is a deeply troubling personal challenge. I once heard a husband of a recently deceased spouse comment that he would have liked to have fallen asleep a few days before Thanksgiving and then reawaken on January 2nd when the hoopla had ended. Of course, if we lived in a mythical world that might be the ideal fast forward fix. Unfortunately, as we all know, that is merely a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality.

In the real world, we have to find other, more proactive ways to survive the holidays. That’s not an easy assignment given the fact that so often our overwhelming impulse is to burrow deeply within ourselves perhaps as an effort to deny or escape. When my father passed away, I witnessed first-hand the harsh effects of sorrow. While dealing with my own deep sense of loss, I watched as my mother sunk into a self-imposed isolation that lasted for months. As a product of an earlier era, she felt obligated to deal with her grief by keeping things to herself. All well and good, I suppose, but it was also the perfect prescription for empowering the grief, allowing it to control her.

A healthier approach is to confront the grief by acknowledging it and taking action. Of course, taking action and grief do not automatically go hand-in-hand and in fact are frequently at odds with each other. And so the real challenge to surviving the holidays is understanding just how to take action. Fortunately, we have a program here at Arlington that can help. It’s very cleverly titled “Surviving the Holidays After a Loss.”

Facilitated by Dr. Barbara Steffens, this free 2 hour seminar will focus on helping attendees get through the holiday season by following a few simple, but important techniques that will empower and prepare them for what is to come in the next several weeks. But let me be clear here: this seminar is most assuredly not a panacea for survival.  It provides themes – things to think about and do as the holidays approach.  You’ll still need to provide the follow-through. Yet, without question though, the first and perhaps the most important step will be attending the seminar. We hope you’ll plan on attending.  I promise: you won’t regret being there.

SURVIVING THE HOLIDAYS AFTER A LOSS
The Arlington Community Room
Saturday, November 14, 10 AM – 12 Noon
Please RSVP to Lisa McClain at 521-7003 or e-mail lisa.m@amgardens.org
(This is a seminar, not group therapy.  You will have the opportunity to ask questions and interact but you will not be asked or required to speak or share.)

Daniel Applegate became part of the Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.