Memorial Day Provokes Our Best Impulses

By Dan Applegate
President, The Arlington Memorial Gardens

Every year on the final Monday of May, just as spring gives way to the ascendancy of summer, our nation takes a collective breath and pauses to remember.  Memorial Day, its roots firmly ensconced in the post-Civil War impulse to honor those who died on the battlefields, has evolved into a more all-purpose moment of remembrance.  True, its identity remains preeminently imbued with patriotic notions of honoring those who have died while serving our nation; but, it cohabitates with Americans flocking to cemeteries everywhere to decorate graves and remember non-military loved-ones also.  In fact, Memorial Day rituals offer an admirable insight into our basic, but admirable, humanity.

In a still dominant Judeo-Christian society, we remain deeply faithful and vividly aware of the ecosystem of life and death; that is, the remarkably precise balance of death pulling life in much the same way that the moon pulls the tides.  Within the context of conceding to both giveth and taketh, we yearn to remember our dead.  Remembering is part of the grief process.  The grieving that follows a death comes not only from losing someone, but also from the loss of memory.  Because, the force of death that snuffs out a life threatens a second savage blow by snuffing out the memory of that person as well.  That’s why, I suspect, some people hold onto the pain of a death long after the death itself: it remains the last vestiges of their connection with the deceased.  In this formulation, letting go of the pain sadly equates to letting go of their memories.

However, perpetuating memories and celebrating life, not death, is our primary purpose at Arlington.  Of course we recognize that cemeteries are indicative, as well as reminders, of death.  After all, the ancient Greeks referred to the cemetery or “koimeterion” as “a sleeping place.”  But the unique primacy of the cemetery in our society is as a spiritual set-aside, a final resting place that permanently stakes out a distinctly verifiable spot which metaphorically proclaims “this person lived and mattered.”  Therefore, in sharp contrast to remembering death, cemetery visitation is actually much more about glorifying the memories of our loved-ones.

However, the historically unique role claimed by cemeteries as the final resting place and the “go to” destination for remembering may be waning due to, among other factors, the galloping growth of cremation.  While the debate over the actual practice of cremation is a matter of conscience, preference or faith, the parallels between the rise of cremation and the decline in final disposition (burial or entombment) are undeniable.  Once the body has been reduced to a small container of cremated remains, many people feel liberated from cemetery arrangements and often choose to retain the cremation urn at home or perhaps scatter the “ashes” themselves at a venue of personal significance – a park, a golf course, a river or even the ocean, rather than commit them to a cemetery.

While at first blush the new sense of freedom made possible by cremation may minimize some practical concerns - as in final expenses, or lower some logistical hurdles - as in travel and transportation, but let me suggest that the freedom and convenience of the moment may one day turn to regret and disillusionment for the deceased’s survivors.  Unfortunately, urns can be and often are misplaced.  And, golf courses for instance, are notoriously unreliable for their longevity; they often become housing developments with that picturesque green on the 14^th hole becoming someone’s future basement.

So, before we too hastily disavow the utility of the cemetery based upon the new found conveniences of modern society, including but not merely cremation, allow me to urge caution and deep reflection.  The concept of cremation, as opposed to burial, is personally appealing to me for a number of reasons.  But, I simply can’t divorce myself from the idea of leaving my name behind on some specific site to lay claim to the fact that I “was here.”  Call that either insecurity or conceit; but, there’s a reason why cemeteries are visited by hundreds of thousands of people over Memorial Day weekend.  And, it has nothing at all to do with self-doubt or arrogance.  Rather, it’s our still vital and admirable impulse to remember.  We dare not allow that to be sacrificed to convenience.  Because, once we do, we will have also sacrificed an important component of our own humanity.

Daniel Applegate became part of The Arlington Memorial Gardens organization in 2001 and has worked in the cemetery industry since 1981, including serving as Secretary/Treasurer and then as President of the Ohio state cemetery association.  He was appointed by Ohio Governor George Voinovich and served two terms on the Ohio Cemetery Dispute Resolution Commission, Ohio's cemetery oversight agency. He is a graduate of The Ohio State University holding a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Political Science.